Article by MX /
March 18, 2011 /
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She’s made weapons of her “feminine charms”, her camera phone and various online networks.
But now the “St Kilda Schoolgirl” threatens to unleash the biggest weapon of all “a can of Whoop Ass”.
The sordid tale of the AFL siren took another twist yesterday when she threatened to open a can of the mysterious substance by releasing a video of AFL players using drugs.
But what is Whoop Ass? A performance-enhancing drink for exhausted athletes?
Is it found in the mini-bar of hotel rooms paid for by footy clubs?
Does excessive use lead straight to rehab?
Whatever, the can is almost certain to contain more than its share of worms.
Whoop Ass experts canvassed by mX had little comfort for AFL stars, who fear the contents may explode when opened, immediately staining reputations.
Melbourne University pop culture expert Lauren Rosewarne said there were differing levels of Whoop Ass intensity. “You might have small degrees of Whoop Ass but the more pissed off you are the bigger the Whoop Ass,” she said.
“The can of Whoop Ass involves high-level theatrics . . . it’s not only about being angry, but showing that you’re angry. It’s saying, ‘I’m going to cut sick’.”
American comedian Eddie Ifft also had troubling news on the mysteries of Whoop Ass. “It means you’re gonna beat some people up it suggests, I’m gonna kick your ass,” he said.
Calls to Bunnings and Mitre 10 failed to shed any light Bunnings simply hung up when mX asked if they had any Whoop Ass in stock but At Your Service Hardware South Melbourne manager David McAlpine said demand had been so heavy he was “all out of Whoop Ass”. He warned Whoop Ass cans were volatile and prone to go off on their own.
A Google search of “whoop ass cans” revealed two products were available overseas. Big Ol’ Can Of Whoopass and WhoopAss were energy drinks that sold online for about $13.